Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Arrested

Air force bases are some of the most heavily policed societies in the free world, where the ration of cops to population is very high.

I worked the mid shift at RAF Bentwaters.  My best friend and I got off at 7am, and I was driving him home. He asked to stop at the post office so he could check his box.  The tiny parking lot was full.  I pulled up to the curb, and he jumped out to run in real quick and check.  The passenger door was open, the car was in gear and my foot was on the clutch. My friend was gone less than 30 seconds.

A skycop came over and cited me for "parking in a non-designated spot."  Dick.  I wasn't "parked".  He made me pull into an empty spot that opened up while I was waiting.

So I sat there fuming while he wrote my ticket. When he was through, I stirred the gears to back out, and flipped him the bird behind his back in anger.

Next thing I know there was this gorilla master sergeant cop at my window screaming at me, something about UCMJ articles for provoking speech and gestures.

I got arrested.  Taken to the cop shop, where they processed me through the whole works.  I had to laugh, I could see the supervisor of the cop that cited me as he "evaluated" the guy as he processed me.  I was a friggin training dummy for their Career Development Course objectives.

They released me and told me I had to report to my commander immediately.  By the time I got there, my shop chief, Eddie Carlisle, was already in the office, and had clued the commander in that I was key to their operation and if I copped an attitude, they could kiss their 90% operational readiness rate goodbye.  The commander, Major Humphries, was a great guy, a KC-10 pilot who had developed hearing trouble and was grounded and sent to a Component Repair Squadron.  They had to do something to tell the Wing King that I had been properly disciplined.  They didn't want to do a letter of Reprimand or anything that would follow me on my record, and they knew a letter of counseling wouldn't satisfy the Man.  So they invented a "Letter of Admonishment" for me.

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Skiing

I dislike skiing.  Sliding down an ice mountain at 60 mph on two slats of wood just doesn't appeal to me.  It's cold.  It can mess up your knees or give you other injuries.  People have died doing it.

In 1986, I allowed myself to be persuaded to go skiing at Garmisch Partenkirchen in the Bavarian alps.  There was a daily C-130 flight - the klong - from RAF Bentwaters that serviced the four forward operating detachments in Germany - SLAN: Sembach, Leipheim, Alhorn and Norvenich.  Leiphein was pretty close to Munich.  So we hopped the klong to Leipheim.  We got a taxi from Leipheim AB to Munich, and from there caught the train to Garmisch.  I was lost the moment we left the front gate at Leipheim, and knew there was no way I could find my way back.

Our reservation had been lost at the AFEES hotel in Garmisch, so we ended up in a two single bed suite at the very end of the facility.

Next day we geared up for the slopes.  Rental gear.  These fucking German ski boots force your knees forward at about a 20° angle when they're buckled the way they should be.  The outside is solid plastic with absolutely no give whatsoever.  I'm worried.  Whatever protection they're affording my ankles by not allowing them to move a fraction of an inch in any direction is more than lost on the additional pressure they place on my knees, and more importantly, my shins, which have to take a considerable amount of weight.  I have to unbuckle them just to move around.

The "lift" wasn't what I was expecting.  I thought it worked like a chair, like civilized ski slopes in the states.  It was supposed to pick up up, carry you to the top and deposit you there.  No, this is just a drag.  You sort of seat it behind your butt and let it drag you up the slope.  I tried to sit down on it, and went right to the ground.  Embarrassing?  Hell yeah.

After figuring that out, I let it drag me up the slope.  I got off at the first "stop", while the drag took the more experienced skiers further up the slope.

Okay.  I'm at the top of the hill, getting all set for my first foray down the mountain.  Goggles down, feet set, deep breath, and HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!

The bunny slope is the bottom of the expert slope. People are literally jumping off a ramp behind me and landing in front of me!

I shook that off and tentatively start down the mountain.  I slide across the slope to the edge, then fall down.  I get up, slide the other way across the slope and fall down.  I have no idea how to turn these things.  The lady I'm with keeps telling me to snowplow - put the tips of the skis together - and then I can lift one and turn the way I want.  Except that isn't happening.  Trying to make the skis snowplow is an exercise in futility.

Not my fault.  The physics of these things were later explained to me. The blades are shaped so that if you want to snowplow, you lean forward, and put more pressure on the front of the skis. they naturally come together then. Except with these hideous instruments of torture I was doing all I could to NOT lean forward, because it hurt my shins too damn much to do so.

After about a dozen or so back and forth trips across the slope, I said, "Fuck it." and aimed my skis straight down the slope.  Feet together, crouched down to get my knees forward and keep the center of gravity so my shins aren't the focal point of my weight, and off I went.  Wind screaming across my face, gathering speed as I went.  It was exhilarating, but I quickly became concerned because I realized I was going to hit the bottom of that slope with a considerable amount of velocity and I had no idea how to stop gracefully.

Not to worry.  My own incompetence took care of that.  I hit a small bump and found myself momentarily airborne.  The landing was less than graceful. I crashed and cartwheeled for a good hundred yards down the slope, before I came to a stop, head down, my left ankle somewhere in the vicinity of my right shoulder, having just scattered most of me gear for a hundred yards along the slope.  One of my skis slowly slid past me.  I lay there for a good 30 seconds, wondering just how the hell I had let her talk me into doing this.

Fortunately, the weather closed in and they closed the slopes the next day, and we spent the remainder of our week touring Bavaria.  I wasn't thrilled about getting back on the slopes.

Returning to England was an adventure.  With no idea how to get back to Leipheim, we took the train to Oostende which gave me a wonderful tour of the Rhine river and some of the places I had read abut from WWII, like St. Goar.  Took a nighttime ferry to Felixstowe, which was just a few miles from our house.

Upon arriving back to work, I found that my best friend had been in an alcohol related accident involving hood surfing on a car at 50mph when a lady pushing a pram stepped out in front of him and the driver slammed on the brakes, then drove over him.  With me in Germany and him in the hospital, our maintenance had backed up, and it took us three months to dig ourselves back out of the hole and get back on schedule.

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Mt. St. Helens

Sunday, May 18th, Mom and I went to church at St. Mary's in Ridgefield. It was a clear day, but kind of hazy on the horizon, so you couldn't see the mountains. After church, Mom would stay and chat with people leaving church.  I would get her keys and head out to the truck to listen to American Top 40.

It was about 11:00, and when I turned on the radio, I heard, ". . . and there are about a dozen fires burning around the base of the mountain. . . ."  I said to myself, "Er?"  I stepped out of the truck, and if I squinted my eyes, I could make out texture to the haze and clouds to the northwest. Yep, It had erupted! 

We got home just west of La Center and stayed glued to the TV for the rest of the day. The haze burned away and we had a clear view of the mountain. We had a model of the Cutty Sark on top of kind of rickety metal bookshelf.  In the afternoon, the cat would start fussing and meowing, and then this model would start to rock back and forth, tic-tic-tic.  We would run outside and see another huge plume blowing skyward.

A year or two before we had had a total solar eclipse on my Dad's birthday.  This year I joked, "Dad, Last year I got you an eclipse.  I tried to lay on an eruption for you this year, but it's harder to schedule volcanoes."

Later that summer I found work at a restaurant just off I-5 with a clear view of the mountain. Thousands would stop for a look.  There was a souvenir stand selling T-shirts, like "I made an ash of myself at Mt. St. Helens!"  My favorite was a T-shirt which had holes blowtorched into it, that read, "Mt. St. Helens Ski Team."

Friday, September 27, 2019

Arrested


I was arrested one time, when I was in the military.  I worked the night shift, got off at 7:00 am.  My best friend Jeff and I left the flightline and he wanted to stop and check his mail at the base post office.  The parking lot was full, so I pulled over and he hopped out for like 15 seconds to quick dash and check his box.  My car was in gear, my foot was on the clutch, and my passenger door was open, and this fired up skycop came over and wrote me a ticket for “parking in a non-designated parking spot.”  Fuckin’ idiot.  I gritted my teeth and bore it, but when he was done – my best friend was back in the car asking “WTF?” and the skycop was walking away.  I savagely shoved it in reverse and flipped the bird to the asshole, whose back was turned.

Well, his buddy – a master sergeant cop was watching and came over and read me the riot act and started quoting articles of the UCMJ at me about “provoking speech and gestures”  Like, how could I provoke the guy when his effing back was turned?  They decided to make an example of me, took me to the cop shop, read me my rights, did the whole frisk, search, process… etc. I cooperated.  As they were frisking me, the guy doing the frisking was being watched.  It was obvious he was being evaluated. An hour later I was in my squadron commander’s office, with my branch chief, Eddie Carlisle, who really didn’t need this shit. Eddie was there long before me, and I think he explained to the commander that if I copped an attitude, they could kiss their operational readiness rate good bye. They were pretty disgusted that the skycops had nothing better to do than bust the ass of tired wrench turners.  I got a “letter of admonishment”  which was the lightest tap on the wrist I could get short of ignoring me, just so they could say they did something to me at the base commander’s stand-up.  Looking back, I think Major Humphries, my CO, was a pretty right guy.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Vicious dog

I was living in a place in St. Mary subdivision in Balibago, right outside the main gate of Clark Air Base.  It was a row of two-story apartments.  At the end of the row, about four or five doors down where the road turned, there was a German shepherd that they kept in the front atrium.  Each place had a fenced off car park area right in front of the entrance. 

This damn dog would bark, all night long.  Not at anything in particular, it would just lay on the front porch and bark, bark, bark. . . . A couple of times I dosed a balls of hamburger to knock the dog out, but the suspicious bastard never touched the meat I threw him.

So one afternoon I was walking home from an early bar hop.  I had a few beers in me and was feeling a bit jaunty.  As I passed the gate of this place the dog comes screaming up to the fence, barking and snarling and threatening all kinds of bodily harm.  Well, I happened to be in the mood to argue with a dog as it happened, so I stopped and bent down to his level and yelled back at him, stirring him up to a murderous frenzy.

It got old after about a minute so, mission accomplished, I sauntered on towards home.

Behind me I heard a gate open and a female filipino accent said, "Get him!" There was a low growl and the sound of claws on concrete.

I grew up around dogs.  German shepherds.  They don't scare me the least bit.  I turned around and this dog was coming at me low and fast.  I yelled at the top of my lungs and charged him with my hands out.  Friggin' dog suddenly saw Jesus, realized in a flash that maybe I knew something that he didn't, and decided that discretion was the better part of valor.  I chased him all the way back to his porch with his tail between his legs.  His female mistress was standing there open mouthed at how ineffective her attack dog was, and I decided to yell at her for a little while. After berating her for sic'ing her dog on me, I told her that the next goddamn time that dog was barking at 3:00am I was going to come over and kill the sonofabitch. Neighbors were coming out to see what the commotion was.

That was the last time I heard from or saw that dog.  I think they ate him.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

FOD'ing the Pods

FOD - Foreign Object Damage - the anathema of jet aircraft, and something to continuously be on the watch for if you work anywhere around anything that goes on, in or near a plane.

Herbert Brink, also known as Herb Drink, Staff Sgt. U.S. Air Force RAF Bentwaters.  Herb had been in the Army where he'd been shot twice - by his own troops. He decided to join the Air Force because they don't issue Air Force people with guns.  Herb was basically  incompetent, and once that I realized that he was also functionally illiterate I realized I could do whatever I wanted around him and because he simply could not write me up since he was incapable of writing.  One time I even call them chickenshit right to his face. He was a thin man of medium build, smoked like a chimney, lived in the barracks and got drunk a lot. He wore little thin glasses.

One night I was working night shift and we had an exercise kick off at about 4 AM.  When we had an exercise we had to bring in all of our training pods.  Normally we kept about eight pods programmed with training settings so they could practice actually using the pods on training flights.  When we had a war exercise we had to pull those pods in and reprogram them with combat settings, which was about a two-hour evolution that involved pulling panels and circuit cards, then reinstalling them and giving everything a quick check.  

When the balloon went up at 4 AM, we started reprogramming pods.  We had to open the panels for cards, physically change quaternary word settings, and then put them back together.  Herb was running around making himself useful, putting pods back together and inspecting them. Herb was our nightshift seven-level inspector, and had to sign off each pod as it left the shop as certified for light. We got all of these pods generated in record time and sent them out to the flight line to be loaded onto the aircraft.

As the recall went out and the day shift showed up, we prepared to hand the shop over to them.  Part of this was a tool inventory.  There was a missing screwdriver.  We searched everywhere in that shop for that screwdriver, under all the consoles, went back in the pod barn and inspected all of the storage racks.  We finally came to the realization that that screwdriver was not in the shop, which means that it probably got buttoned up inside one of those pods.

This was not going to make the Colonel happy.  Here he's trying to generate aircraft as fast as he can and we come around behind him and red X his aircraft, because we don't know where a screwdriver is

We checked the expediter; four of the pods have been uploaded onto aircraft on RAF Bentwaters.  That was easy.  We just walked out on the line where those aircraft were and pulled the panels.  We pulled the panels off of all four of the pods on base and didn't find anything.  The other two pods that we had turned that morning had been sent over to RAF Woodbridge.  After the branch chief and finished his hysterics in his office, he sent us to the sensor shop to borrow their truck to go over to Woodbridge and looked for the screwdriver.  John Turner (JT) and I went.  JT was driving.  We got over to Woodbridge and JT said, "I know my way around the Bentwaters line, but I don't know anything about this place.  How do we start looking for where these pods are?"

I noticed that the truck we were driving had a radio in it.  ECM shop didn't have a radio so we didn't have a call sign, and I wasn't about to use sensor's call sign.  I grabbed the radio mike, made up a call sign on the fly and said,  "Red one, Weasel one."  JT choked with laughter at my audacity.

"Go ahead."

"Yeah, lookin' for an ECM pod number 640, can you tell me what aircraft that's uploaded on?"
"Roger that's on tail number 441, tab 20, uh. . . .whoever the hell you are."  JT busted up laughing.
We went over to 20 and pulled the panels off that pod. JT pulled the really long panels over the high band section off  and that screwdriver fell out.  My jaw hit the ground just about the same time the screwdriver did.  I was speechless.

Later that day the shop chief called me up.  Wanted to tell me that one of the pods I had worked on hadn't had the low voltage power supply connector screwed down.  Big fuckin' deal, I thought.  But still, it was a screw up.  I told him that as long as I get judged on the same metric as Herb was, I didn't have a problem with whatever disciplinary action they had for me.  That was the last I heard of it.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Bobby and the Hog



My dad was 19 years old and on leave from the army.  He and his brother Buck and my Grandma were on a trip to Canon City, CO.  They were returning in the night-time.  Uncle Buck was driving my Dad’s car with grandma in the passenger seat and dad was behind them, driving Buck’s Harley Hog.

They were doing about 70 miles an hour through the foothills southwest of Colorado Springs, when a deer ran in front of the car.  My dad saw brake lights come on for some reason, and throttled back.  Then they went out as the deer left the road, so he sped up again.

The deer doubled back.  Suddenly there was this huge doe standing stock still, paralyzed by dad’s single headlight.  Dad locked up the brakes.  The bike started leaning as it power slid towards the deer, and dad remembered lifting hi right leg over the gas tank so it wouldn’t get pinned when the bike went down.

Dad doesn’t remember hitting the deer.  The next thing he knew he was sliding down the road at 70 miles an hour with sheets of sparks and flames coming off the handle bars.  He was thinking “I’m on fire!” and trying to kick the bike away from him as they slid.  Then it stopped and he was laying there staring at the stars, and crickets were chirping.  He got up, surprised to find himself intact.

To say Grandma could be high-strung was an understatement.  After the deer left the road, she was looking back, watching Dad’s headlight.  Suddenly the light went out, and then there was this huge sheet of sparks and fire!  She started screaming, “He’s dead! He’s dead!” at Bucky, who whipped a U-turn and ran back to the accident.

Grandma stayed in the car in hysterics when Bucky got out to find my dad kicking glass and debris off the road.  “Did you get him?”

“Yeah.”

“Well hell, let’s gut him and put him in the trunk!”

Grandma got out of the car and crept up on Dad, tentatively reaching out to touch him as if he were a ghost.

Later at the Colorado Springs hospital, they were putting a cast on Dad’s arm where he had ground down some of his elbow.  The county Sheriff arrived, asking “Where’s that feller poaching deer on a Harley?”  He asked to see Dad’s ID, and dad handed him his wallet.  He rifled through things, and found dad’s military ID and also his fake drinking ID.  He showed them to Dad, and asked “Which one of these is you?”  Dad indicated the Military ID.  The sheriff put the others back in the wallet and finished his report.

The report said that from the skid marks, dad skidded 140 yards before hitting the deer, then kept the bike up for 200 yards (Dad doesn't remember this) before finally going over and sliding another 170 yards.

A week later, dad was driving the Harley through Denver when he spotted a couple of attractive girls walking along and got the bright idea that a power slide would impress them.  Yep, he laid the bike down again, and ground down the cast on his arm in the same place where he had been patched up the week before.


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Instrument Landing

I was involved in a landing roll-out program at Flight Dynamics.  We had a heads up guidance system (HGS)that could direct a pilot to a safe landing in zero-zero Category 3 conditions, i.e. zero feet cloud ceiling, zero visibility.  But once on the ground many of the instrument landing systems became useless, and we needed a way to guide the pilot to a safe stop on the runway.

As part of the qualification for this system, we had to do one thousand instrument landings in the 737-400 full motion simulator at Boeing field.  The purpose of this was to collect data to show that we would either direct the pilot to a safe landing in the touchdown target, or we would wave him off and direct a go-around.  The allowable tolerance for failure was 1x10^-9, or statistically never.

I was one of the ones collecting the data and recording it for future sifting.  We would use whatever pilots we had available,. usually check pilots from the local FAA office.  At one point the Chief Technical Pilot at Delta Air Lines, Carter Chapman - who was a big enthusiast of the HGS - stopped by and made himself available to do some landings for us.  That was incredible.  He was like a machine, setting up and executing a landing every ninety seconds to a full stop, and boy, was he aggressive with his stops!  That simulator just stood on its nose when he hit the brakes!  We had to scramble to keep up with the data rate coming in, he was so fast and efficient.  He's also a former Naval Aviator, so precision was the name of his game, and he was trying to hit the target as close as possible.  We allowed something like +/-150 feet lengthwise and 45 feet to either side from the target.  On his best landing, he missed it by 7 inches.

The problem was that the FAA check pilots weren't nearly as proficient.  Their job is to sit right seat during a pilot qualification, and many of them have very few actual hours on the aircraft as command pilots.  We had one guy who was just wrecking our averages.  In 7 out of 8 landings we waved him off as unsafe or out of tolerance for a safe landing, and the one time he got it on the runway, he didn't keep it there during the roll-out.  I just don't think he understood how to read the symbology we were giving him on the display.  Our program manager, who was flying right seat, was pulling his hair out.  He suggested a break for everyone to calm down and get collected.  Then he took the guy up for the remainder of his time block and demonstrated our new unusual attitude symbology - anything to keep this guy from trying another landing.

As the door closed behind that pilot and everyone breathed a sigh of relief, the manager turns to me and said, "Get in there and fly that last profile!  I want to know if it's as bad as he was making it look."

Please note:  in spite of literally thousands of hours of sim time, I am not a rated pilot.

I started on 8 mile final approach.  It was kind of an ugly set-up, zero-zero visibility, night time, rain, with a 25 knot left quartering crosswind and some turbulence.  I trimmed the rudders to accommodate the crosswind and brought it in to a bumpy but serviceable landing and roll out.  Yeah, I'd done this before, and I knew how to interpret the HGS symbology and use it to safely fly the plane.

That night
over a beer at a reception for the Delta pilots association, my program manager tells the head of the FAA pilots office, "I've got unrated systems engineers that can land that plane better than your goddam pilots can!"

Too Low

I had a friend who was a crew chief on F-4G wild weasels at Spangdahlem AB in Germany

Weasels duel with surface-to-air missile sites and are known for very aggressive tactics.

Spang flightline is very close to the forest, so one day after launching his jet, my friend goes over to the fence and pulls a bunch of pine boughs.

He has them in his pocket when his jet lands and he recovers it. As part of the post-flight, before engine shut-down, the crew chief ducks under the jet to put all the safety pins in, check the brakes, and inspect the tires for damage.  So my friend, while he's under the jet, takes the opportunity to stuff some pine boughs into various panels here and there.

He comes out, and over the crew chief intercom, he says to the pilot, "Good morning sir! How was your flight!"

"Just another day at the office, sergeant!"

"How low did we go this morning?"

'Hard deck at 200 feet. No lower!"

"How low? Really?"

"Okay, we might have bottomed out at 150 a couple of times."

"You need to see this. . . "

The crew got down out of the cockpit and crouched under the jet and saw all the pine boughs, and the back-seater slapped the pilot, "Godammit, I TOLD you you were going too low!"

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

False Start

Getting out of blocks quickly in a foot race is a difficult skill to learn, because it's counterintuitive and runs against every instinct.  You literally have to throw your arms apart in the pose of someone who's already at full speed.  This will unbalance you and force you to lunge forward or fall flat on your face.

If you spend any time at track meets with the same starter, you develop a certain sense of the timing on when the starting gun is going to go off.  For those of you who have never run in track, the cadence is for Runner to take you marks.  This is sign to get into your blocks.  Take your time, the next signal won't come until everyone is situated and motionless, and some runners deliberately slow-roll this to discomfit the others. Then the "get set!' command comes, and everyone raises in the blocks to prepare to run.  Seconds later the gun fires, and this where the sense of timing can pay dividends.

I was running at a track meet at Ridgefield.  I was in the second heat in the 220, and had drawn the inside lane, which meant I was in the back of the pack.  The starting lanes are staggered to account for the turn, and the inside guy is a good thirty yards from the starting gun, at least.  That's far enough that a sound delay can seriously affect your start.  The guy right beside the gun will be in motion before you even hear it.  We're told to watch for the smoke, not wait for the gun, but when you're on your toes in blocks, you can hardly raise your head to see the gun.

Right beside me was one of the referees, also with a starting pistol, to watch for false starts.  I knew this guy by sight, he'd been a substitute teacher a couple of times at our school, but I didn't know him well.  I knew what happened in a false start, though.  You heard the starting gun, and almost immediately after a second shot that ended the race.  Everyone returns to their places, and whoever false started is removed.

"On your marks!"  I shuffled into the blocks, wiggled around and got comfortable.

"Get set!"  Up on my toes.  Shit, I can't see the gun, all I see are butts in the air. But I was used to this starter, I knew his timing. Wait for it, a one and a two and there we. . . .

My timing was off.  I flinched into a start, my hands literally came off the track as I started to launch myself.  But, dammit, the gun didn't go off!  So I check myself.  I swear, my feet never moved.  As I was on the down stroke from that, the gun went off.  I was delayed for an instant as the downward momentum on my arms was absorbed and I could launch myself.  I must have lost a half a second there.  I launched out of the blocks, fully expecting to hear a second gun in my ear.  Nothing happened. 

I won the race, and qualified for the district meet.

It was a week or two later, again at Ridgefield for the district meet. Earlier I had seen the referee who had been right beside me in the previous race, and smiled and nodded a greeting to him. I was near the start with my coach, jumping up and down, getting ready for the race, when he walked up to me.  He came pretty close, and said quietly, "You false started last time.  Don't let it happen again!"

I just said, "Yes sir!" What else can you say?  Helluva guy though.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Physics

I loved physics in college.  It was a subject I could sink my teeth into, it describes the universe in rational terms.  It's reproducible. My introduction to Physics was physics 201, calculus based physics.  16 week course instead of the 12 normally offered, 4 credits and a lab credit.  It came with massive, expensive, comprehensive text book that I have to this day.  I loved it.

I was teeing up to take the second part of this to fulfill the degree requirement for two science classes, when the US government, in a cost saving measure, announced that they were moving my separation up by three months.  Suddenly I was behind the 8-ball.  My carefully laid plans of how to finish my degree requirements before I separated went out the window, and I was scrambling to finish on time.  I had to give up the Physics II course and settle for the 12 week 102 course, what we affectionately referred to as "Dumbshit physics."  The textbook was about a quarter the size of the one I had.  In the first class the British instructor announced that we would be graded on our mid-term and final only.  Well, shit, I won't need the textbook then, will I?  No homework!

I was also taking some ECI video courses through the university of Chicago to bang out some easy credit for history, as well as another regular class that doesn't come to mind. As well as working midnight to 7am. I showed up for about half the Physics class, and slept through some of those.  It was mostly administrative people and non-technical types, Law enforcement, etc, looking to fill their science requirement.  One night as class was letting out and I was waking up in the back row, the instructor came over and asked, "Mr. Emerson, you're not asking many questions.  How do you think you're doing?"

I was wiping sleep from my eyes, and looked up at him and said, "Shit, I could teach this stuff!"  I probably could.  I was just here for the credit.

Mid-term time was coming up, and I figured it might be a good time to take a few hours and crack a book and bone up a bit.  then the whiners and admin rangers, the guys who had been head scratching their way through the class, started pestering the teacher to make it open book.  After much wailing and crying, the prof relented and declared that it would be open book, open note.  Well, hell, why even study? 

I arrived at the mid-term and he announced, "All right, clear your desks of everything but scratch paper and a pen." WHAT??!!  What about the open book, open note?  "Yes, that's what I agreed. You may use my notes.  and he handed us a sheet of paper filled with formulae.  No explanations, and worse, no units of measure.

I was clueless, and the "notes" were no help at all.  I had a very solid foundation in my previous physics class, so I spent the next three hours re-inventing physics from the ground up. 

The next week he was handing out the results, and announcing the grades as he did so.  C, B, D, C. . . and then he got to mine. "Mr Emerson.  That was a rather creative solution you gave for the pressure-volume question."

"Did I get it right?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, unfortunately," he said dryly, "A+"

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Withholding Information

Clark Air Base, Philippines started receiving their ALQ-184 electronic warfare jamming pods in August 1989.  By October, it was clear that they were in real trouble.  The system had been billed as "blue-suit maintainable." It was after all just a modification of the existing ALQ-119 pod, right?  Well, yeah, it did kind of use the same original shell as the 119. . . .

The problems at Clark were causing some rumbling and bad words about Raytheon, so the decision was made to send me for a month to Clark, accompanied by Clif Whaley, the genius who had designed the support equipment, who would be there for a week. It was a goodwill visit to get them on their feet, as it were.

We arrived at Clark and were met by staff sergeant Andy Walker.  Andy looked exactly like the fat kid with glasses from the Far Side cartoons.  So much so, I almost blurted out that "You're the kid from the Far Side!"  He herded us into a chartered minibus he had requisitioned specifically to pick us up.  Once the doors were closed, he turned to me and said, "So, can you really fix these devil-pods?"

The very first pod they had tried to check out was pod 0028.  It was an unfortunate choice, because the pod happened to be brain-dead.  The computer wouldn't boot, wouldn't talk, wouldn't come up to the point where you could even program the memory.

Using another pod, I swapped various cards, to verify that it wasn't a bad card stopping things.  Air Force technicians stood around skeptically saying, "Yeah, we did that."  I'm sure you did, but unless I do it, I don't know it happened.  Well, it wasn't a card.  I broke out the technical manual and started the troubleshooting sequence for an inoperative CPU.  The problem is that the CPU is so fundamental to the operation of this thing that if it's not working, following the troubleshooting guide is already in Hail-Mary territory. I had found it next to useless before, but I had nothing else in my bag of tricks.

I checked the data lines, the latched addresses, various TTL signals.  It was like the computer was trying to work, but had no software to run.  And it wouldn't accept a software load from the support equipment.  We verified that the support equipment wasn't malfunctioning by trying to use a memory loader/verifier, which is a rather big box we carry to the flightline to reprogram pods while they're on the plane.  That didn't work either.

So I was scratching my head.  Everyone else had gotten bored and wandered away.  I was looking at one TTL signal call E2WDS-.  That acronym stood for EEPROM Write Disable (not).  The (not) meant it was active when it was low.  So, let me think about this, too many double negatives, when this is low the Eeprom Write is disabled.  And sure enough, it was low.  What makes it high?  I couldn't really tell, it traced from a  programmable logic array. Basically the master processor.  If that wasn't working, then the master processor must be bad.  But we had already replaced the master processor.

Hell, I don't know if I'm even barking up the right tree here.  I need to do something, though, because I'm not getting anywhere this way.  So, wincing a bit in anticipation of all the bad things I could possibly do here, I wired a jumper from E2WDS- to a solid +5V. 

I asked the support console to load software, and BAM! up it came, it immediately started talking and loading software!  Yay!  I was getting somewhere!  Now I just needed to figure out why E2WDS- wasn't getting toggled.  I shut the pod down and removed my jumper.

When I fired it up again, it came up, started talking and proceeded to load software normally.  Everything was working perfectly fine.  There was nothing wrong with that pod, and it continued to work perfectly fine until nine months later when it died on the belly of an F-4 whose gear wouldn't come down and crashed into the Pampang river.  Both crew members ejected safely. My theory is that there was a hair of wire grounding the signal, and when I jumped it I fried the short with too much current.

Everyone gathered around to see the wonder of a pod that would actually communicate with the support console.  They bowed and made obeisance to their new god, the field rep.  "Praise be the tech rep!  Praise be!  Hey what did you do?  How did you fix it?"

The one thing I learned a long time ago is that the first thing you teach somone is the thing that's going to stick with them forever.  I thought about the implications of my unorthodox method of troubleshooting, and whether it was a good idea to encourage a bunch of technicians to willy-nilly jump TTL logic lines to hard voltages like that. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I dunno, I just reseated a few cards and it started working!"

They looked at me skeptically, "You're a lyin' bastard and you're not telling us, are you?"

I just grinned and said, "Yeah."

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Basic Training - induction

I arrived at Lackland AFB at about midnight on the 10th of December.  Yes, I was going to spend Christmas in Basic Training.  They bused us to the chow hall, where we were given our first meal - breakfast was being served.  Oh, man, look at all that food!  Bacon and scrambled eggs and french toast!  I loaded my plate and sat down to tuck in. . . I was just taking my first bite when someone wearing green with a bunch of stripes and a smokey bear hat came walking through, shouting, "Table one, you have 30 seconds to finish!  Table two, you have 60 seconds!  Table three, you have 90 seconds!"

Holy shit, sixty seconds to eat all this?  I shovel as much as I could down my throat, then stuffed my cheeks with french toast as we were herded out.

It was about two am and we were under the overhang at the RH&T dorms.  People were running around wearing green and looking military.  None of us did.  We looked like shit compared to them.  sometimes someone yelled at us, we could see there was some confusion, as if no one expected us to be there.  We were in formation, staring at a brick wall, not allowed to turn our heads to look around.  There was a low fog hanging about 2 feet off the ground to a height of about 4 feet.  Eerie. We had been called to attention and told to pick up our bags several times, then put them down again.

Then suddenly a booming voice from behind us echoed off the roof above us with an authoritarian tone that commanded your attention.  "My name is Technical Sergeant Madden!  You people have fucked up my holiday!  I'm gonna fuck up yours!"

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Ballast

I was working for Flight Dynamics, designing Heads Up displays for commercial aircraft.  These displays provided critical flight information and guidance cues that could guide a pilot to a nearly perfect landing in visual conditions where he literally can't see the runway from the cockpit after he's on the ground. Some of our experiences showed that the navigational beacons became pretty much useless after touchdown, so a follow-on project was developed to provide roll-out guidance to keep the plane on the runway after touch-down.

This project was being flight tested by the FAA using a boeing 737-400 we had borrowed from Alaskan Airlines and outfitted with a bunch of telemetry to analyze the flight characteristics.  The FAA had a whole series of landing tests they wanted to see- grooved runways, non-grooved runways, cross winds, wet runways, etc.  One of the most expensive tests called for standing water on a non-grooved runway.  Now there are only two cat-3 capable runways int he US that are not grooved.  The closest one was Roswell New Mexico.  Yes, standing water.  In New Mexico.  In the summer.  We hired several water tankers to flood the runway with 50,000 gallons of water about five minutes before we landed.

But the most fun test for me was a full-weight, full center of gravity forward landing.  With all their sandbags in the cargo hold shoved as far forward as they would go, they still couldn't get the center of gravity far enough forward.  They needed people to sit in the seats at the front of the plane.  And they couldn't just pick people off the street, because this was an "experimental aircraft."  So they had to be Flight Dynamics employees.  They collected about twenty or so engineers and loaded us on a bus and took us to Portland Airport, where we boarded the "experimental aircraft."  We took off, expecting to do a couple of landings and call it good. 

Well the pilot spun his whiz-wheel after wheels up, and realized the plane was overweight for a safe landing.  We needed to fly around for a half hour or so to burn off enough fuel to get the weight down.  So we did a relatively low (7000' feet) pass over the north side of Mt. St. Helens, got to look right in the crater from the comfort of a 737, then flew back to Portland for a zero visibility landing (they put a pillow on the windscreen to block the pilot's view, it was a clear, beautiful day). 

Yes, I have found my niche in life.  I am ballast.  Watch me sit.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Mashed Potatoes

My Uncle Buck was in training at the US Coast Guard Academy.  He was invited for Christmas dinner by a fellow trainee whose family lived a few hours away by train.  Present at the dinner were the fellow's parents, brothers, sisters, and his Grandmother, the matriarch of the family. It was a very Christian family, very proper.  Things were going well, the young men were telling about their exploits in military training.  Then the poor fellow made a gaffe, hauling out the salty sailor talk in front of the family.  "Hey Bucky, pass the fuckin' mashed potatoes, will ya?"

Silence descended.  Everyone looked distinctly uncomfortable.  The fellow looked around in confusion, then realized what he said and turned beet red.  He got up from the table and left the room.  His mother followed, and Buck could clearly hear her in the other room encouraging him to come back to the table.  "I can't Mama!  I just can't!  I know I'm just gonna fuck up again!"

Eventually she persuaded him to return, and they took their seats.  The uncomfortable silence continued.  Finally the Grandma, demonstrating the leadership skill and class that Grandmas are known for around the world, turned to my uncle and said, "Well, Bucky are you just going to sit there, or are you going to pass him the fuckin' potatoes?"

Gotta love grandmas.

Christmas in the Jungle

 Nearing the end of my contract in the Philippines, I realized that I may never get another chance to see the country beyond Angeles City, so I determined to adventure into the northern mountains, to the place where my wife Patty was born and raised.  It was late December of 1990, and Patty wasn't too keen on the idea due to the weather prevalent at that time of year.  I eventually overrode her objections, although she secretly harbored doubts that I was capable of making the trip.  Although I was naive about the scope of the work that was to be required, I was under no illusions that it would be easy, and I have never been one to flinch in the face of adversity.
   Our destination was a tiny barrio in the Mountain province of Northern Luzon by the name of Maducayan (accent on the third syllable).  It's nestled deep in a canyon on the eastside of the large central mountain range of northern Luzon.  There was a road to Saliok, the nearest neighbor, but the road is impassable except in the months of February to June, when the rains stop.  I was told that the trail was impassable to any transportation except foot, that even animals could not negotiate the way.  I still think that a goat could do it, but no one has ever tried.
   The people there are called Igorots, and I believe they were the second wave of settlers to come to the Philippines.  They lack the heavy Malay features of the low country people.  My guess is the Igorot people originated further west, from what is now India or Burma.  The third wave of settlers came from Malaysia between two to four thousand years ago, and probably drove the Igorots from the rich low countries into the mountains, much as the Igorots did to the Negritos before them.
   I began to prepare for the trip about a week earlier.  I had come into a $600 windfall due to a cancelled airline ticket, so finances were not a problem.  My first purchase was a good set of hiking boots.  I opted for military issue jungle boots in recognition of the sort of terrain I was apt to encounter.  Looking back, I doubt I could have made a better choice.
   I tried to find detailed maps of the area I was going to go to, but the lowest scale I could find was a 1:500,000 scale which was given to me by one of my fighter pilot friends.  He had 1:250,000 which were excellent, but they fell about ten miles shy of the area I wanted.  Even with the maps, I could only make a best guess as to my final destination, because the natives here cannot relate a map to reality. 
   From years of constant travel, I have developed the habit of not packing until the last possible minute, which often confounds any companions I might have who begin to pack sometimes days ahead.  So the night before we were due to set out, I began packing my bags.  I had many things I wanted to carry, but I was constrained to about forty pounds, which was the maximum that I decided I could carry on a long hike.  Beside clothes and toiletries, I wanted to take as much as possible to Patty's parents and relatives to improve their personal or collective lives, keeping in mind that nothing can reach Maducayan except on the back of a person.  I carried two plastic rain ponchos, 12 quarts of dried milk, two plastic foam thermos containers, one for food and one for liquid, a hurricane lamp, some batteries, Bic lighters and a 3 pound ham for Christmas dinner.  Other items we would pick up in Santiago, the last city we would be in before heading into the boondocks.  I found out later that Patty also slid in enough spaghetti and sauce to feed a small army, which in fact it ended up doing.  For my own use I carried two maps, soap, a first aid kit, moleskin for the feet, knife, toilet paper, camera with two extra rolls of film and batteries, a straw sun hat and lots of sunblock and insect repellant.  All of this was sealed into quart size Ziploc bags and went into my 75liter adjustable backpack. 
   We set off at about eight in the morning Saturday, 22 December.  Patty wanted to start earlier, but we had decided to spend the night in Santiago, and I didn't see an advantage to getting there at noon instead of four o'clock.  Patty said the jeep from Santiago to Paracelis would have left in the morning, so we didn't have a chance to catch it no matter how early we left.  I wanted to avoid a grueling twenty hour journey, so I chose to break up the trip into several days.  We got a tricycle to take us to the bus depot, where we stood by while busload after full busload of people went by on their way from Manila to points north for the holidays.  We finally crammed onto an air-conditioned luxury bus headed to Baguio, and ended up standing for two hours until we got off.
   I should take time here to explain about Philippine bus drivers.  This is my first impression, and it's been reinforced every time I get on a bus or shared the road with one.  Filipino bus drivers are recruited from the self-destructive wards of mental hospitals.  They have often lost both their family and fortune and don't care about living any more.  Whether they go today or next year, it's all the same to them, and they aren't shy about taking large numbers of people with them when they go.  It wouldn't surprise me if they go to church to receive last rights every Sunday instead of communion.  I shan't belabor this point repeatedly in this narrative, but keep in mind when you see the words "We rode the bus . . ." that the act entails a constant degree of apprehension similar to that experienced by soldiers involved in continuous combat.
   We got off the northbound bus at Carmen, which is interesting, in that it serves as a primary transportation hub for the central part of the island, but cannot be found on a map by that name.  We got straight onto a bus bound for Santiago via San Jose, and once again were unable to find a seat.  This trip was supposed to take about seven hours, so I threw my pack on the floor and sat down, and to hell with anyone who got in my way.  There was a little old lady beside me whose bare feet kept getting under my combat boots.  Everyone had a load of luggage which covered the floor, and lots of bags of rice.  The bus had no glass in the windows, but the weather was mercifully cool.  I couldn't see out, so I read my book on and off, and once I managed to achieve a fair approximation of sleep.
   We traveled like this to San Jose across the flat rice fields of the Luzon lowlands.  At San Jose the bus turned north and began to climb.  Santiago was on the other side of a low range of mountains that link the central and eastern ranges together.  Halfway over the mountains we blew a rear tire on the bus.  It didn't cripple us, as the tires were double mounted.  Soon we stopped at a roadside store and cafe and ate while the bus crew repaired the tire.  I was surprised to see some American turkeys wandering around as we sat and sipped our sodas.
Santiago
   We arrived in Santiago at about five in the evening.  My first priority was to get a room so we could deposit our baggage.  Patty had been directed to a nice hotel uptown by one of the women on the bus.  We got a trike to head that way.  Patty was unsure of where the hotel was, and as we passed by a place called Mary's Lodge she recognized it as the place she always stayed when they were in Santiago.  We stopped there and got a room for about five dollars.  It wasn't much, a bed and a fan with an attached bathroom.  There was no shower stall in the bathroom, the shower head just came out of the wall, and the bathroom itself was the shower stall.  I doubted the water was potable, and advised Patty not to drink it.
   Having rid ourselves of the baggage we went out on the town.  I had in mind to finish purchasing our supplies, but Patty seemed to have other ideas.  We walked to what appeared to be the town square, and headed north.  She seemed to recognize the Tops theater for some reason and we headed towards it.  On the street in front of the theater, she turned right, muttering "I don't know where is that" under her breath (she often mixes up her prepositional tense).  We went up a side street, then she stopped and started to backtrack.  That's when I put on the skids.
   "Do you know where you're going?"
   "I'm not sure where is that." She sometimes has problems with where the preposition goes.
   "Where is what?"
   "The place."
   "What place?" Trying to get good solid information out of this girl is like pulling teeth.
   "The place where we catch the jeep."
   "You don't know where to catch the jeep?  I thought you made this trip before!"
   "I know.  I'm just not sure."  At this she started heading back down the street.  I caught her sleeve.
   "Just hold on there, I'm not going to spend all night wandering around looking for something and you don't know where it is."
   Keep in mind that Patty had been up early and it was a very tiring day.  Patty tends to become abrupt when she gets tired.  "Okay.  Let's go back to the hotel."  She turned to go.
   I caught her again.  "I am not going back to the hotel without having accomplished anything.  Let's find the jeep."
   "No, no let's go."
   "Look," I said softly, "why don't you ask someone for directions?"
   "No, I don't like."
   Okay, that was unacceptable.  What would an acceptable alternative be? "Okay, get a trike and tell him to take us to the jeep to Paracelis."  That seemed acceptable, so we waved down a trike.  I guess he didn't understand what Patty wanted, because we went a ways, then she stopped him abruptly and made him turn around.  They chattered at each other for a few seconds, then he seemed to understand.  We went back to the theater and up a different street.  There was a huge vehicle there, it looked like a dump truck chassis with a flat bed and a cover.  There was a huge cargo of bags and people aboard.  We got out and established that this was indeed the jeep to Paracelis.  Patty disappeared into the cantina the jeep was parked in front of, apparently looking for the driver.  She came out with some surprising news.
   "This is the jeep to Paracelis.  My brother is here."
   The driver went to the back and called "Mr. Alinao!  Mr. Alinao!" A small man extracted himself from the humanity packed into the rear and jumped down.
   "This is my brother," Patty said as we shook hands.  He smiled but seemed shy to talk. I said hi, and then there was an uncomfortable moment before we both looked at Patty.  She asked me "Will we take this jeep?"
   "Well, we wanted to get some canned goods, and I wanted to get those foam pads.  I don't think we have time to get our bags before the jeep leaves."
   Patty chattered with her brother for a second and he turned to me and said, "I will arrange for my cargo to be delivered" and headed back for the jeep.  I pulled Patty aside.
   "What's your brother's name?"
   "Julian." Pronounced in the Spanish fashion, the J is an H.         "Where I come from, when you introduce someone you tell their name, 'this is my brother, Julian.'"
   "That is not our way.  Here one person gives his name, and then you give yours when you greet."
   Okay, so why then didn't he say his name when we shook hands?  This may be the way they normally do things here, but Patty wasn't taking into account that I'm something of an oddity here, being an American.  Many people here have never directly encountered a person with white skin and gold hair.  Not to mention the fact that I'm physically imposing to most Filipinos, being of much larger stock.  In short, anyone I come in contact with is likely to be overwhelmed to the point of forgetting any English they may know.  "Okay, do me a favor.  When you introduce someone to me, please tell me their name."  I got her to agree with a little cajoling. 
   Julian came back.  "The driver will deliver my cargo."
   "What are you carrying?"
   "Goods."  Uninformative communication appears to run in the family.  Do they read minds?  Okay, we'll play guessing games.
   "You have a sari-sari store?"
   He smiled.  "Yes."  See?  You just have to think ahead of them.
   They were both looking at me as if I was supposed to make a decision.  No problem.  "Let's go eat, I'm starved.  Julian, you know a good restaurant?"
   It turned out that he didn't, and as we followed him, we wandered aimlessly again, and seemed to be headed out of the food service area.  I took control and we headed back to a buffet restaurant.  We ate in virtual silence.  I tried to toss out a few hooks with open questions about his sari-sari store, but they were fielded abruptly and without elaboration.  Patty wasn't much help at getting a conversation going, so I thought to hell with it, and we ate in silence.  All I learned was that he came to Santiago about once a month for supplies, and that shipping costs had gone up 50% since the Iraqi gulf crisis began.
   After I paid for the meal, we offered to get Julian another room at our hotel, but he said no, he will stay with his companions.  Aha!  The truth surfaces.  He's just using us as a convenient excuse to stay one more night and party with the boys instead of going home to mom and kids.
   So we went back to the hotel and turned in early.  It was cool, and the blankets were too short for me.  Halfway through the night the mosquitoes discovered me and I had to turn on the fan to ward them off, which made me uncomfortably cold the rest of the night.

   From dawn until I decided to pull myself erect at eight or nine o'clock was spent in an uncomfortable half slumber that does no good as far as useful sleep is concerned.  Once again we left our bags at the hotel and headed downtown to procure some goods. 
   The prospects of finding a decent white man's breakfast looked pretty dismal, and I wasn't incredibly hungry, so I shelved that problem for the time being.  My first goal was to find a place that sold foam pads and buy a few.  You see, Patty told me that the standard bed in Maducayan was a woven straw mat thrown on the floor.  So I thought it would be nice if I was to bring some foam pads for her elderly parents to sleep on in their declining years.  There was of course the ulterior motive that if I took these pads then I would probably avoid sleeping on a hard floor myself.  I don't sleep well on hard surfaces.
   We entered the open market that is common to any large Filipino town.  Goods are sold from rented booths.  There is no such thing as a fixed price. Anything can be found, if you look hard enough, from all sorts of foods, to records, clothing, hardware and anything else you care to mention.  Near the entrance to the market there were a number of pigs, chickens and goats being prepared for transportation.  There were also a number of small dogs, their feet were hobbled under them, and each one had a tin can tied over its snout as a muzzle.  Dog is a delicacy here, and I surmised that I was looking at Christmas dinner.
   The first place we went they took one look at me and doubled their prices.  They wouldn't come down, so we moved on.  We eventually found a place that sold four by six cloth covered foam pads for about $12 each.  Patty wasn't satisfied with this, but I wasn't going to spend two more hours trying to save two dollars.  We bought two pads.  While we were waiting for them to be fetched from the warehouse, I noticed an axe hanging from the wall.  I picked it up, "Would your father like this?"
   "Maybe."  Well, I had a fair idea of what this old man was like from the way Patty talked.  I doubted that axes were something people routinely carried to Maducayan, and I guessed he would like it.  I added it to the foam pads.
   Outside we hailed a trike to take us and our cargo back to the hotel, where we picked up our bags and went to meet the jeep.  Julian was there waiting for us.  Patty pointed us at a cafe across the street and said "You go eat.  I'll be back."  Then she disappeared before I could form a question as to her destination. 
   I turned to Julian and asked "Where's she off to?"  If he knew, he wasn't telling.  We headed for the cafe.  I ordered just plain rice for breakfast, as their buffet didn't look too appetizing.  I tried conversation again, "Patty tells me you were in the army."
   I'm not going to try to reconstruct all of the conversations I had along my trip.  I will simply paint the composite picture that I was able to build from each person as I talked to them.
   Julian is thirty-eight years old by the best guess.  He did not go to college right out of high school.  His next older brother was in college and having a rough time financially.  Julian volunteered for the army to help him out.  After six months of training he was posted to an island in Visayas (The Philippines is divided into three general areas: Luzon in the north, Mindanao in the south, and all the small islands between them are collectively called Visayas).  After an indeterminate length of time he was reassigned to Mindanao in the south, where the army was actively engaged fighting Moro Muslim separatists and communists.  He said that he and two other Igorots were normally on point during foot patrols, because the Igorots were very brave, and felt at home in the jungle.  He saw action in the south, because he told me of a time when their Moro guide advised them to steer clear of an area and the lieutenant ignored him.  They walked right into a fire trap, and he said the gunfire was so heavy that you couldn't discern individual shots among the din.
   Patty had told me that he had been wounded in Mindanao, but he didn't speak of this.  After his tour in the army, he got a job at a gold mine in the north.  I guess he worked there for about a year, but didn't find any gold as he puts it.  In 1981 he began college in Baguio (Bag-ee-o).  He met his wife during his first year.  He was studying teaching, she engineering.  They were married and soon had a daughter.  It was difficult to support a family and go to school, but they persevered and both graduated their respective programs.
   Family ties are strong here, and the people are also tied to the land.  Julian wasn't so tied as to settle in Maducayan, but he came close by buying land in Paracelis, 16 miles away.  He was offered a job teaching high school at about $90.00 a month, I think.  For the first year he held the job, he would go to Maducayan every Friday night after work.  He says he could make the trip in five hours (I'll believe that when I see it).  He supplements this income with a sari-sari store he runs from the front room of his house, which is just a small family run general store that's very common here.  He built a house on the land he bought, and has recently purchased another parcel of cleared land near Paracelis, where he hopes to build a better house.  His wife and he now have four children.  He is the director of the water cooperative in Paracelis, and sits on the city council.
    Patty rejoined us as we were finishing our meal.  She had been buying canned goods and large tins of crackers for her family in Maducayan.  We talked for a bit, then Julian got up, and said "They are preparing.  We must go if we're to get a seat."
   The truck was a four wheel drive deuce and a half with slatboard sides and tailgate.  There was a bench arranged on the sides and in the rear facing forward.  There were already numerous bags of rice and a couple of fifty gallon drums cramping things.  We were some the first to board, but as more and more people climbed in with their baggage, our leg room was slowly squeezed to nothing.  Most of the men were up high, sitting astride the sides of the truck, and I decided to do the same for the sake of freedom.  I suspect that we had about thirty people on there by the time it pulled out an hour later, at about eleven o'clock.
   We headed north, and the pavement gave out about a half an hour later.  The terrain was very rough and hilly, but clear of dense vegetation.  It actually reminded me very much of the rolling countryside of Wales.  The road was dirt, and very steep in spots.  The terrain wasn't conducive to rice fields, but many farmers had taken to growing corn.  If this country ever pulls itself out of its poverty, the process will begin here.
   For our entertainment on the journey, there were four college students heading home for the holidays sitting near the back of the bus. They were drinking sugar cane whiskey and singing Christmas carols.  They offered me some of the booze, and I drank a shot to be sociable, but declined after that on the excuse that if I drank further I would fall over backwards off the jeep.  To add color to their songs they would occasionally toss a firecracker over the side.  They sang with considerable gusto as the whiskey took effect, and with a noticeable lack of any accent.  An older man sitting on the edge of the side next to me said "American soldiers taught these songs to our fathers when they came here, and our fathers taught them to us.  But we have to go to college and learn English before we understand what the words mean."  Julian was sacked out on a couple of bags of rice, sleeping off a hangover.
   For five hours we wound further north.  The road became progressively worse, and the mountains to the west that paralleled our course drew steadily nearer.  The ruts became deeper on the hills where the mud seemed the deepest.  We were going down a hill at one point and heard an ominous grinding sound underneath the jeep.  The jeep was stopped to examine for damage, and I saw an oily looking clear liquid dribbling along the mud from underneath the jeep.  I think I would have stopped there to ascertain the full extent of the damage.  But the decision was made to press on.  Filipinos are like that.  They don't understand the concept of preventative maintenance, and never fix anything until it's virtually destroyed.  The jeep still moved, so they drove it. 
   About two miles further on my reservations were vindicated.  I'm not sure if the ruts were too deep to negotiate the road, or the transmission dropped out from lack of lubrication, but in any case, the jeep was stuck and wouldn't move.  So we bailed out, collected our goods, paid the driver, and began to walk.  Julian reassured me that we were only three or four kilometers from our destination.  I carried my pack, Patty her two bags.  Julian grabbed the foam pads and took off like a deer.  I set a pace to keep up with him, but I guess Patty had dealt with this before, because she didn't even try.
   We crossed a shallow river, and I thought I was going to die after practically running up a long steep hill after Julian.  We waited for Patty at the top of it, then Julian left the road and took of down a trail.  It was getting dark, and all I could make out was the bright shape of the foam pads on his back as he virtually sprinted down the trail.  He kept this pace up right into a house that had a bright light shining from the door.  Stumbling up, I was greeted by the familiar face of Patty's sister Rose at the door.
   The house was lit with a coleman lantern.  Paracelis has no electricity except the hospital which has its own generator, but that's hellishly expensive to operate.  There were a number of people about, and three cute kids.  The little girls were obviously interested in me, but every time I would look at them they would burst into smiles and turn away. 
   I drank a prodigious amount of water, and we ate.  After dinner, Julian opened bottle of San Miguel sugar cane whiskey.  I got a little buzzed off of that, but it helped me forget my sore legs.  I remember bringing out the pictures that I had brought of the Emerson family and the house in LaCenter that I had taken from the air.  We talked of Maducayan and the United States until about nine o'clock, when we put to bed.

   My original intention was to continue on to Maducayan on Christmas eve, and spend Christmas there.  Patty said that we had been invited to a party in Paracelis by her other brother that evening, so we postponed our plans.  She wasn't exactly clear as to what was planned, so I was playing things more or less by ear. 
   Julian's house in Paracelis was not yet finished.  It was made of hardwood with a tin roof.  The three main rooms on the ground floor had a concrete floor.  There was to be an additional room added to each floor, but the walls hadn't been constructed yet due to lack of funds.  The final room was to be the kitchen.  The house construction was primarily cinder block on the ground floor, and wood above that.  A temporary tin structure had been erected through the back door to serve as a temporary kitchen, this had a loose packed floor that wasn't even close to being level, and no outlet for the smoke produced by the cooking fire.  Normally a gentle breeze blew the smoke through the kitchen and the front room and out the front door.  I was underwhelmed.
   The sari-sari store took up the front room that didn't have a door.  The window was barred, and the goods were on display on shelves all around the wall.  He had canned foods, cigarettes, sugar, San Miguel, cokes and candy for the children.  It was funny, the kids in the family weren't even old enough to do basic math, but they had all the prices memorized in the store.  Rose sometimes helped by running the store, and when she asked the price of something, three young voices would simultaneously sing out the answer.
   Although running water was available courtesy of a water cistern atop a nearby hill, this hadn't been connected into the house, nor did it appear as if any plans were being made to that effect.  Outside there were two pigs tied to trees near the house.  A small pigpen contained two more younger pigs.  Chickens ran free all over the yard area, and the soupy mud was tainted green from chicken shit.  If you had to piss, you found a convenient banana tree, or if it was night, you just went off the front porch.  I never had the pleasure of perusing further sanitary arrangements.
   The rule in the house was no shoes inside.  There were flip-flop slippers provided for casual walking outside and in the kitchen, but these were left at the door and bare feet were used in the house.  One of the funniest things I have ever seen is Julian's oldest girl, Layla, running through the front door full tilt.  I watched this closely several times, and I never saw any hint of her breaking stride as she blew off her flip-flops in perfect formation at the threshold.
   Most of the meals I ate on the trip consisted of unseasoned rice and some sort of meat, poorly cut and usually unidentifiable.  The food is normally boiled, no matter what it is.  Tableware is rare, most people preferring to eat directly with their hands ( I have met some cousins that proudly confess not to know how to use a spoon).  Patty did a pretty good job of running interference for me, so I was never placed in the position of rejecting food that I found completely inedible, such as the fish they eat.  There is no variation of menu between breakfast, lunch and dinner.  So I won't attempt to detail each and every meal.  It's easy to see why these people are thin and small.
   At one point during my stay, Julian was showing me his garden and sadly admitted that in spite of his efforts, his children were still malnourished.  As a teacher, he had the education to appreciate this fact.  I looked around and nearly bit my tongue to keep from saying, "Dude, you're in one of the richest agricultural areas I have ever seen.  Anything will grow here.  Just look around you at this lush vegetation.  If you're starving in the midst of all this, it's just because you're being stupid."  I kept my tongue, though.  If you try to teach a pig to sing, you'll only irritate the pig.
   After breakfast I managed to secrete myself in the front room with a book for some peace and quiet.  Rose and Patty were in the back yard washing clothes.  After a while Julian invited me to go with him to  as I understood  track down the shipment that he had sent ahead from Santiago.  We set off on foot in the direction we had come from the previous night, towards Mabaclao (accent on the third syllable), with three other cousins of his.
   We walked for maybe two miles, and then left the road and followed a footpath that lead through the elephant grass.  About a mile further on we went down a steep hill, at the base of which was a house.  Julian talked with the man living there for a bit, and I figure they were striking a deal, for the man climbed into his pig pen, which was a small pen elevated about two feet off of the ground and had a bamboo slat floor.  Someone produced a rope, and soon we were towing a sixty pound pig back up the hill.  
   The pig had other ideas, however, and didn't seem to be going our way.  They had a rope tied halter fashion to the pig, and when he pulled too hard, it tended to slip forward, and I believe it effectively paralyzed the pigs front legs.  The pig would fall on its side, and they would drag it this way for a time.  To me, this was extremely inhumane, not to mention a lot of work.  I would stop the procession to readjust the rope so the pig could walk again.  Had it been just me, I would have persuaded the pig to go peacefully, but the others didn't seem to have the patience for negotiation.  I firmly believe they would have kicked and dragged that poor animal all the way back to Paracelis, but I suggested that it would be faster to tie it to a pole and carry it back.  A sturdy piece of bamboo was procured, and we took turns carrying the pig (I found out later that they didn't like to be on the other end of the pole with me because I was too tall and my stride was too long  it unbalanced them).
   One of our companions was a firmly built lad named Danny.  He was a quiet sort, and Patty told me later that he was retarded.  She said that he was too retarded to know when he was in a bad way, and would therefore carry any size load any distance without complaint, if you offered him a T-shirt or something in payment.
   Upon reaching the same small river that we had crossed the night before, Julian suggested that we take a bath.  I thought this was a good idea, as I was just starting to get rank.  Someone produced some soap, and everyone started to strip.  There was a woman washing clothes about twenty yards upstream, and the main road was as far downstream, so I carefully lagged while undressing in order to determine what was considered appropriate.  Modesty doesn't appear to be a problem out this far, so when in Rome . . .  (Upon closer scrutiny, I determined that the lady washing clothes wasn't wearing anything but a skirt anyway).
   At the top of the hill above the stream, we met one of the men from the town coming the other direction, and paused for a break.  One of the boys disappeared into the forest and came back moments later with a bunch of bananas.  The bananas here are shorter and fatter than the South American variety.  The man we had met pulled a betel nut out of a pouch around his neck.  He wrapped it in a mint leaf, and sprinkled it with a powder from a small plastic bottle, which I found out later was lime made from crushed baked shells.  He stuck this whole arrangement into his cheek and grinned, "This is our native bubble gum."  His teeth were all stained red from the juice of the nut.  I figured out later that the betel nut does something to retard tooth decay, as I noticed that the old people who chew it have a disproportionate number of their teeth left.  It's also mildly narcotic and probably addictive.
   Back at the house, the pig was released and tied with the others.  A few minutes later Julian came out of the house with a nasty looking little weapon, about fourteen inches in length, and a clip almost as big.  The stock and handle were hand carved, and the barrel and mechanism were fastened by way of a worm clamp.  It was an automatic .22.  As I sighted down the barrel I could easily see that the sights were way off to the right, which Julian said was indeed the case.  As it turned out, you would be lucky to hit the side of a house with the thing.  One of the cousins took it and fired a shot at one of the numerous chickens at point blank range, but only winged it, and he took off through the foliage in pursuit.  I don't know if they ever caught it, but we didn't eat chicken that day, so I suppose they didn't.
   One of the entrees at lunch was a bone with dried meat on it.  I took a small piece, and as it bit into it, I detected that it had gone rancid.  I asked Julian how he dried the meat, and he said that they just hung it above the cook fire.  I explained how Americans build a smokehouse, and that smoked meat will last longer, but he didn't seem interested, so I shut up.
   That afternoon the pig was butchered for Christmas.  They laid the animal on a block with his head hanging over, slit the throat, and drained the blood into a bowl.  I didn't ask what was done with the blood (if you're not sure you'll like the answer, don't ask the question).  Then the animal was washed with soap and water and a fire was kindled in the back yard.  They charred the flesh of the pig, and then scraped the ash away.  A piece of plywood was washed, and two banana leaves were laid on it to provide a butcher table.  I should mention here that Filipinos don't believe in using upright tables.  Everything; eating, washing, and work; is done on the floor from a flatfooted squat that I find impossible to imitate.
   Nothing is thrown away when an animal is butchered.  But unlike the Indian practice, the Filipinos simply eat everything.  The skin is left attached to the meat, which makes those pieces hard to chew.  The intestines are also cleaned and saved  once again I didn't ask questions, but they cut them lengthwise, so it wasn't for any sort of sausage or pemmican.  I was appalled at the carelessness employed as the meat was cut.  The rule seemed to be always cut across the grain of the meat, and if a bone is encountered, smash it with the butt of your bolo and press on.  This is how they take an animal with six hundred odd bones and produce meat littered with thousands of bones.  After cutting the meat this way, I find it hard to pick around all the bones, and it effectively wastes a lot of meat.
   Once the manly task of butchering was accomplished and the women took over, the men adjourned to the front room and Julian broke open a bottle of San Miguel.  Soon we were served a snack consisting of small fragments of pig flesh, including the chopped up ears, soaked in a marinade of vinegar and tiny fiery peppers.  It was pretty good once all my taste buds indignantly went on strike.
   Julian asked me "Do they drink San Miguel in America?"
   "I never heard of San Miguel until I came to the Philippines."
   "Here in the evening the men get together and sit around and drink San Miguel and talk.  On holidays we sometimes drink all day."
   "Well, we do the same thing, but the men drink beer or whiskey make from corn or grain.  And we watch football games on TV."
   That San Miguel is pretty powerful stuff.  It says 80 proof on the bottle, but I think that's only for tax purposes.  I had to be careful to maintain my ability to navigate.  We put to bed at about nine, but there was no talk of Santa to the kids.  I refrained from describing Christmas customs in the States, because Christmas speaks of gold and richness and fullness of life in the west.  I didn't want to rub the poverty of this country in their faces.

   "We will leave early in the morning for Maducayan."  Well, early to a Filipina is generally sometime before noon.  I was ready to go before seven, but had to hold while everyone else collected their goods and figured out who was going to carry what.  Besides myself and Patty, there was Danny, another sister of Patty's with only one tooth named Mary, her oldest daughter named Vivian, a truculent looking young boy about fourteen years old, and Rose, Patty's younger sister.  As the only other one who had spent any significant time with me in Angeles, Rose wasn't missing my introduction to Maducayan for anything (Rose lost her home in Baguio from the July 16 quake, and spent some time as a guest in my spare room).  Besides, there was a good bet that I would need a second interpreter.
   I pulled out my contour map and consulted Julian.  I had a good idea of where we were going from Patty's description, but there was still an error factor about three miles wide on my map.  The towns shown often didn't have names on the map, and I wasn't quite sure where were starting from or what the route would be.  Julian took one look and said "I don't know how to read a map."  Great.  Oh well, I'll figure it out.
   As I was lacing my boots, Julian lifted my pack.  "You will carry this to Maducayan?"
   I said "Sure.  It only weighs forty pounds, which is a quarter of my weight.  I can carry that all day."  Actually, it probably was closer to forty-five, I was guessing.  He still looked doubtful, so I had him put it on.  As the straps cut into his shoulders, I said, "It's not how much you carry, but how you carry it.  The idea is to maintain your balance and not have a dead weight on your back.  Most of the energy burned while carrying a load is used to maintain balance."  I fastened the chest strap and the belt, then arranged the frame straps to bring the weight up and forward.  "When you go up a hill, pull on these straps, here and here.  This will bring the pack up high on your back.  When you go down a hill, loosen this and drop this away.  Now the weight rides low and not on your shoulders, allowing you to pick your way with more confidence."  He still looked unconvinced, but I think that was because he's a lot smaller than me, and that pack looked awfully big and heavy on him.
   I found out later that he had told Patty in their language not to let me carry that pack all the way to Maducayan.  She didn't think I could carry it either, but I had already told her that the problem was not going to be me carrying my load, it would be her trying to keep up with me.
   I prepared my feet by sticking a piece of moleskin on a blister that had formed behind my left heel.  I had already popped the blister, so I didn't expect a problem.  The moleskin was a mistake, the way I put it on, however, as I was to find out the next day.  I wore a thick set of wool socks.  Rose had warned me that the mud was knee-deep in spots, which was an exaggeration but not much of one, so I bloused my pants into my boots.
   We hiked for a mile and a half, down the steep hill that Paracelis was perched on.  At the bottom we forded a shallow stream.  There was a stall here while the girls sorted out their footwear, which they didn't want to get wet.  It was then that I found out that they weren't wearing sensible shoes for a hike of this magnitude.  Patty's older sister wasn't even wearing shoes.  All she had was a set of flip-flop sandals.  Danny was barefoot.  The truculent looking boy was wearing a beautiful brand-new set of Nikes.  Well, they won't be new for long.
   By this time I was pouring sweat, although the temperature was in the cool eighties.  I was wearing a straw hat to protect me from the sun, and it worked admirably as a shower when you filled it with water.  No one else had even started to perspire.  I was thankful that I had the foresight to get a crew cut before the journey.
   The trail started up from there.  We left the rough terrain around Paracelis and entered the mountains.  We were working our way along the north slope of a wide cut in the mountains.  Danny and the other boy fell behind for some reason, which surprised me because I figured they would get ahead of us. 
   It was shortly after the stream that a section of the road had been washed into a deep gully about two feet across.  This wouldn't be repaired until the rains stopped.  As we went up and down the steep countryside, I was adjusting my pack to meet the trail, and Patty was jeering at me, because she thought I was squirming in discomfort.
   I set a pretty good pace, and the others often lagged as much as a hundred yards behind me.  We stopped and rested about once an hour.  The road had deep ruts in it from the last vehicles that had passed by, but the mud was firm, and there was normally a well beaten footpath along the ruts.  There were spots that didn't drain well, and the thin mud got deeper in these areas the higher we went.  We met few travelers on the way.  The young people basically ignored me, but the older men and women always smiled when they saw my skin and gave me a big "Good Morning!" as they passed.  They seemed very proud of their English.  As we approached small groups of huts near the road, I could hear the children alerting the people of my coming, shouting "Americano! Americano!"
On the Road to Saliok 
   I took every opportunity to drink at streams tumbling off the mountain above us.  The water was cool but not cold.  My biggest enemy now would be dehydration, as I sweated by the quart.  After four hours of hiking, three of it constantly up, we broke for lunch.  There was a concrete cistern beside the road with a pipe spilling water out of it.  I took off my shirt and showered in the flow.  We ate rice and some crackers.  I pulled out my map and examined it.  A long saddleback ridge across from us, and we're headed a little south of west.  Judging by the angle on the two points of the saddle, we must be here.  Must have started farther north than I thought. I announced that we would soon be headed downhill as we traversed to a different watershed.  Patty looked mildly surprised that I could get this information from a map.
   I asked how far to Saliok, and she said maybe three hours.  Now if there are two things a Filipino is completely lacking, one is a sense of time, and the other is a sense of location.  So I discounted her three hours to be anywhere from thirty minutes to five hours.  As it turned out we marched into Saliok about an hour and a half later, after some of the worst mud bogs yet.
  I was thankful that the mud was slippery enough not to cling to my boots.  My feet felt fine, but I could feel my little toe on my left foot rubbing wetly on the one next to it, and I knew a blister was forming.  My feet had long been soaked, but they weren't sitting in water, because jungle boots have drain holes in the sides to allow the water to leave.  The boots were the best kind of footwear I could have chosen.  They had a very wide deep tread that wouldn't hold the mud, yet I had a firm grip on the ground when everyone else was slipping and sliding.  I had long since given up picking my way through the mud, and just plowed through when everyone else stopped and searched for the best way.
   There were relatives in Saliok, and we turned off the road and visited for a short time outside the house of Patty's aunt.  She smiled at me, her teeth red with betel juice, "Welcome to our place.  It is good you could come here."  I paused from the cup of water I was gulping to thank her.  A pretty young woman with a baby on her hip, one of Patty's childhood friends, greeted us and chatted with Patty.
   Shortly after we left Saliok, the road veered left towards Natonin, and we went to the right up a trail.  The ground rolled gently here, and the way was wide and marshy, covered with a grass similar to iceplant.  The trail became narrower and steeper, and soon we were headed up a steep incline.  The trail wound severely in spots, and after the first long hill it went up and down more or less at random.  We climbed above the peaceful rice paddies of Saliok, and soon the faint roar of a river could be heard in the valley on my left.  Sometimes we would be walking through wide clearings, and other times we would be on a precipitous forest trail, clinging to the side of the mountain.  Patty said that some parts of the trail washed away every year during the rains.
Sifu river from the trail 
   The steep trails here were taking their toll on my endurance.  I could carry that pack all day on the level, but lifting it straight up a nearly vertical trail was difficult.  The Igorots seem to be an impatient people, because they don't believe in switchbacks at all.  Many times the way went straight up the side of a slope.  Patty was in the lead by this time, and was starting to irritate me.  Once you get a pack as heavy as mine going and set a pace, it's fairly easy.  It's just getting that weight moving that takes a lot of effort, and Patty was stopping and starting every ten yards to pick her way through the mud.  I eventually told her that if she stopped again, I was either going to run right over her or throw her off the mountain.
   It was somewhere along here that Danny and his companion rejoined us, and we let them blow by.  We stopped for a break near an elevated rice granary where the rice fields of the Maducayan region began.  I felt relieved that the journey was almost over, until Patty told me that we were still a good two hours away.  It was nearly three o'clock this time, and I was starting to wonder if we would be there by dark.   At least from here the way should be easier, because we were in the rice paddies.
   Wrong.  Off we went again, into the jungle, straight up the side of a mountain.  We went over two more shoulders, and then descended close to the river.  I could see below that Danny and company were fording the river waist deep.  I was drenched in sweat and looking forward to getting into that water.  But it wasn't going to happen that way, because Rose decided that she didn't want to get her feet wet, and off we went up the mountain again on a different route.  At the top of one particularly steep climb, I haltingly told Rose that the next time she had a choice between the river and another damn vertical trail the she could either take the river or hump my pack up the cliff.
   We stopped at the field of one of their uncles.  He wished me a merry Christmas, and said, "It is good that you can come to see our place.  The way is not long, but it follows the way of the wild pig!" I agreed with him, but I didn't mention that I thought this particular pig had gotten into the sour mash.
   Maducayan is not really a village as much as it is an area.  There are four barrios that make up Maducayan, and we were headed for the second one.  As we passed through the lowest barrio, all the people came out to witness the bizarre sight of a huge white-skinned man carrying a pack half as big as he was.  The little girls all grinned and hid their faces when I smiled at them, and the boys maintained an air of haughty indifference, but watched me curiously nonetheless.  The young adults all smiled shyly, but all of the old people came out and surrounded me, fighting to shake my hand.  "Good afternoon!" "Merry Christmas!" "Welcome to our place!"  "God bless you!"  "Ah, you're bringing a bed for the old man!  That's good!"  One old man greeted me enthusiastically, and after I had passed, I heard him ask Patty, "Americano or Japanese?"
   Now we wound our way through the rice paddies.  The rice here is terraced, to conform to the slope.  The walls of the terraces are made of native rock, and are from one to ten feet high. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the pattern of the terraces.  We walked along the walls, which were about a foot wide, and covered with vines.  Going from wall to wall meant a vertical lift or drop of as much as six feet.  My mind had been numbed by this point, and the question of how much further had ceased to matter.  I had the pack slung low, my footing was sure, and I had long since realized that I wouldn't slip with my boots.  I just mechanically put one foot in front of the other.
   Our destination was nestled in a stand of trees on the top of the steep slope from the paddies to the river.  When we arrived, everyone but me discarded their footwear and went up the steps to the entry platform.  I handed up my pack to a stocky looking man, who strained with surprise when he took the weight.  I sat on the bottom step and worked off my mud encrusted boots.  There were greetings flying all around, and someone shoved a cup of water into my hands.  One of the things I noticed was that while everyone was being greeted enthusiastically, there was no hugging or other overt displays of affection.  I was to notice this pattern repeatedly during my time there, and it explains why Patty is very reserved.  I was a bit dazed at this point, and needed some time to orient myself.  Twilight was beginning to fade, and Patty suggested we go take a bath while there was still light. 
   She got a towel, soap and fresh clothing, then excused us and led me across the paddies and up a small stream.  Someone had arranged a piece of split bamboo at the top of a small water fall so that you could get under the water it carried.  I wrung out the shirt I had been wearing, and it was so wet that Patty thought that I had already dunked it in the stream.
   We went back to the house much refreshed, and I had my wits gathered more tightly now.  As we approached the house, a tremendous amount of children gathered on the porch to see us.  Patty said "I hate those children."
   I said, "That's a pretty strong way of talking.  Why do you say that?"
   "They're undisciplined."
   I chuckled, "And I don't suppose you were ever like that."
   She smiled.  "When I come here they fight to see which one of them will sleep with me."
   "Nice to be popular."
   "I don't like them to sleep with me.  They have lice."
   The house we were to stay at was that of Patty's older sister who had accompanied us on the way.  Her husband was named Fermin.  He was a very stout man with a noble looking face, except that his mouth was permanently skewed to the left side of his face.  His English was halting at first, but got better as he gained confidence that I could understand him.  I was introduced to what seemed to be a tremendous number of people, and I was overwhelmed with a flood of information.  I soon gave up trying to remember the genealogy of each person; hell, I was doing good to remember one name in five.
   The Igorot dialect, I have decided, is constructed around the fact that you can speak it quite plainly without teeth;  most do in fact.  There are few blocking consonants, and those that do exist are normally made in the throat.  Most Igorots have serious trouble with sounds formed on the front teeth, particularly the 'th' and 'sh' sounds.  For this reason my name was virtually unpronounceable for them.  It's also for this reason that many of those who understand English complained that they couldn't understand me because I was "talking through my nose."
   The house, like all houses in this area, was raised about four to five feet off the ground.  Underneath was used for storage and as a shelter for the animals, which were allowed to run free.  There were two rooms, a kitchen and a large sleeping room about 30' x 20'.  They were joined by a narrow porch about six feet wide that was open to the elements on two ends.  The roof was high and made of tin.  There was no furniture to speak of except some small stools about six inches high in the kitchen.  The kitchen fire was raised off the floor, and I presume the floor of the fire pit was tin or concrete.  Above the fire was several layers of racks upon which firewood would be laid to dry.  The roof architecture was similar to a dutch hip style, only the gables were open to allow the smoke to escape. 
   The houses were crowded together in a tight little group.  The earth was flat between them and this time of year very muddy.  There were stepping stones along the more heavily traveled routes.  In the front of Fermin's house there was a squat concrete bunker, about six feet on a side.  This, I learned, was the crypt for Patty's father.  He has defied the odds by living as long as he has, and they built this crypt last April so they would be ready in the event he died during the rainy season.
   Large projects such as the building of a house or a tomb, or clearing land and building a rice terrace are an all-hands affair in the community.  The beneficiary provides food for all the participants, which usually means butchering at least an animal a day for the duration of the project.  Harvest the rice is also done en masse, and whoever's field is being harvested that day will again provide food for the workers.
   I seated myself in the kitchen.  The doorway was blocked with curious children.  Patty's mother came in.  She is a little woman about four feet ten, and as near as we can figure, about sixty-five years old.  She was wearing a faded dress and a red sweater.  Her hair was drawn back granny style, and she perpetually had a black purse at her side from which she periodically extracted betel nuts.  She spoke no English and had a certain air of control about her.  There was another woman of her generation there, and they carried on to each other as if the room was empty but for them.  It was very funny from my point of view, because all I could tell of their conversation was their facial expressions.  The best way I could describe the other woman's normal expression is that of open-mouthed incredulity.  I had to keep from laughing, because Patty's mother would say something and raise her head to look down her nose at the other woman with an I-told-you-so expression.  Two old biddys practicing one-upmanship.
   Patty's sister cleared the area of children by opening a huge tin of sugar crackers and giving each child a double handful, then telling them to scat.
   Fermin opened conversation, "What is your opinion about the Gulf crisis?"
   "I think there will be a war."
   "Maybe it will be World War III."
   I smiled, "No I don't think it will go that far."
   "Saddam Hussein, he is a very crazy man.  I'm afraid he will use chemical weapons."
   "Many people are afraid of that."
   "We are very afraid here.  We have no way to protect ourselves from chemicals."
   I smiled again, "Don't worry.  Iraq's chemicals can't reach the Philippines."
   I don't think he caught that, because he went on, "Yes, it will be very bad if they use chemicals.  Do you think he will pull out of Kuwait?"
   "No.  He's bet too much to fold now.  We'll have to drive him out."
   "It is good that the U.S. can get so many other countries to support them to drive Iraq out."
   "Well, everyone is afraid that if they don't stop him now he'll keep going."
   "Yes, he may attack Saudi Arabia or Germany or maybe even the U.S."
   Whoa.  I was just reminded that I'm conversing with a Filipino, who's geography is probably restricted to a twenty mile radius from his birthplace.  Not to worry.  I came prepared for just such an eventuality.  "Hold on, I'll be right back."
   I had brought an inflatable globe with me that I got in a novelty store in California for traveling.  I fetched it out of my pack and blew it up.  I showed Fermin where the Philippines was on the globe, and then Iraq and the gulf region.  He was genuinely interested, and asked many questions.  "Where is Belgium?"  Their Catholic missionaries had been from Belgium.  "Oh!  I thought it was part of the United States!  But it is here, in Europe!  We hear of many places on the radio news, but we don't know where they are.  Now I see where they are."
   We continued for some time like that, as he quizzed me about various places, and asked me where I had been.  Where did I grow up? Where are my parents?  Grandparents?  My mother's family, are they still in Ireland?  Somewhere there I produced some pictures I had brought of the Emerson family.  Your father is a very handsome man.  And your Grandfather, is he still alive?  He looks like a very strong man.  Who takes care of your mother if you have no brothers and sisters?
   I showed them pictures of the house where I grew up in LaCenter, Washington taken from the air.  My father and I built that house.  What do you grow here?  Is it very wet?  The houses are very far apart.
   Patty sat beside me "What will you eat?  You like barbecue?"
   "Yeah, that sounds fine. . . Wait!  Get that ham out of my pack.  I brought that for Christmas dinner."  We opened the ham and cooked it in the tin over the fire.  There was enough for all the adults to have a generous portion.  They served it with rice and boiled rattan.  It was quite a novelty for them, having pork with no bones that you didn't have to gnaw on before swallowing.  I got little or no feedback, except that Patty's mother didn't like it and gave hers to a kid.  Oh well, I enjoyed my meal, anyway.
   During the meal, Patty's mother and the other old woman were drilling Fermin, and pointing at the globe all the while.  He turned to me and said that they didn't believe how the world could be round like that.  He discussed with them at some length, and I caught the words "Neil Armstrong," so I guess he was using the example of the astronauts to punctuate his proof.  He finally convinced them, I suppose, but said they still wouldn't believe that the earth went around the sun.  The other old woman was looking skeptically at the globe for the rest of the night.
   Fermin then asked me why the length of the day varied during the year, and I showed him about the tilt of the earth, which he then explained to the non-English speakers.  I then told them about how my dad had seen the midnight sun in Iceland, and I wondered just how big a liar they thought I was.
   For sleeping, they laid down woven mats on the floor, and everyone lined up along the long wall of the big room to sleep.  Patty and I shared one of the foam pads we had brought, and there was a big row among the kids as they decided who would get the other one.
   The room was completely dark with the shutters closed.  I don't know why the mosquitoes didn't eat me alive.  I briefly worried at the moleskin on my heel.  It was firmly attached to the blister I had drained the day before, and I was loathe to tear the skin off the blister, because I was deathly afraid of contracting an infection in the muddy chickenshit of the ground outside the house.  I slept fitfully, unable to find a position to ease my sore muscles from the days hike.

   Everyone else was up with the sun, but I wasn't ready and tried to hide for a while longer.  Finally I decided it was futile, and got up.  After breakfast I finally managed to get the moleskin off of my heel without tearing any skin off with it.  I was dismayed to see that the blister had swollen again and was bloody red.  I wasn't sure whether it had bled as a result of my walking or my efforts to free the adhesive cover.  What I should have done was to cut a hole in the moleskin and place it all around, but not on, the blister.  I got my knife and first aid kit and cut the blister away, then dressed the area.  If I did get infected, all was not lost, because I had a supply of antibiotics with me, there being no such thing as a prescription medicine that can't be had over the counter here.
   Later, Fermin excused himself.  One of the women from the village had died the day before in Saliok in childbirth, and they were going to console the widower.  It was unclear to me whether the poor man even knew as yet that his wife was dead.
   Patty and Rose grabbed the dirty laundry, and I followed them to the river, where I washed my combat boots clean.  The water was full of naked children laughing and playing.  Shortly after that a helicopter flew over and landed above the barrio, and all the children disappeared to go see it.  I learned later that a group of American linguists (I'm not sure they were in fact American.  Any white man is automatically American to these people) was planning to come live her for a time and learn the dialect.  What they were to do after they did this was unknown.  The helicopter left after about a half an hour. 
   After getting my boots clean, I went behind a rock and took a real bath and brushed my teeth, then I headed back up to the barrio with what laundry had already been finished. I got turned around in the barrio, but a group of kids seemed to realize my plight and pointed me in the right direction.  They thought I had come in the helicopter, and I didn't have enough of the language to tell them otherwise.  Patty told me what the word for "no" is, but it was a four syllable tongue twister that makes it easy to see why these people seem so naturally agreeable.
   The house was virtually deserted when I got there except for Patty's sister, and I took advantage of the opportunity to relax and read my book for awhile.  Things were going fine for awhile, until Patty's father came home.  He was a small, crooked little old man with his front four teeth missing.  That didn't detract from his smile a bit.  He was about four feet ten, and looks about eighty years old.  No one has any idea how old he really is.  Patty's sister introduced us, then disappeared back to the kitchen, saying she couldn't translate because she couldn't understand me.  He could speak a little English, but wasn't confident enough to carry on a conversation.  So we just sat there staring at each other, with nothing to say.  I figured it would be rude to go back to my book, although that would have been merciful to both of us. 
   Finally we were rescued by one of the men I had met the night before coming for lunch from the rice fields.  "Ah! you have met the famous Japanese hunter!"
   Patty's father's love was animals.  He was an expert at tracking them, and often kept watch over the carabao as they ran free through the mountains.  Julian told me that there were times when their mother would get very angry at him, because when it was time to go play with his animals, he would go, even if it meant leaving rice rotting in the fields.  Patty said that she never ever saw her father angry.
   When the Japanese came several Americans barricaded themselves in the school for awhile, then slipped away under cover of darkness through the Japanese.  The people of Maducayan relocated to the next valley north for a short while, but Patty's father, Antonio, took to the mountains with some other men, and they conducted guerrilla raids on the Japanese.  "The Japanese didn't know how to hide, so they were easy to kill.  We would hit them and hide in the forest."  He said he doesn't know how many he killed, but he shot at a whole bunch of them.
   The normal flow of a translated discussion like this would be for me to ask a question, which would be put to the person I was asking.  There would ensue several minutes of discussion as they clarified my meaning and decided what the response would be, and then I would be given a brief answer.  Likewise one would ask me a question, which I would answer, and again a lively debate would ensue as they turned my words over and examined them from all points of the compass for any hidden meaning.  I didn't mind this so much, as it took the heat off of me for the most part.  I could basically ignore the world until someone spoke English, and then I knew they were talking to me.  I wasn't totally alone, for the family dog, Bambi, seemed to sense that I wasn't interested in eating her, and spent a good deal of time at my side getting her ears scratched.
   Patty returned and began showing her father all the things we had brought for him.  He showed perfunctory interest in the thermos jugs, and matter of factly stuck the powdered milk into his shoulder bag.  He truthfully didn't seem too interested in any of the things.  Then I mentioned the axe to Patty, and she went to get it from the place they had put it out of reach of the children.  She said something about an axe, and he responded tiredly that he already had an axe, and it was too heavy for him.
   Well, I wasn't about to carry a heavy splitting maul up that hill.  He took one look at that axe and his eyes came alive.  He jumped up and took it, and made a few practice swings.  "Ooh!  I like that!  It's very light!  Ooh! It's very sharp, too!  I like this very much!  I can cut much firewood now!"
    The room had filled up with visitors by this time, and Antonio was becoming uncomfortable.  I gather that he doesn't like crowds.  So he saddled up his new belongings and headed back to the rice fields.  Patty told me that after the last children had left home, he and her mother built a small cabin in the rice fields, and they stay there now.  It saved them a lot of effort going up and down that hill, although I was ready to believe that these two old people could do some things that would kill an American their age.  He saddled up his new belongings and disappeared back across the rice paddies.
   Fermin was back by this time, and I had pulled out the maps we had brought.  Soon we had them spread out all over the floor and were examining different areas of the Philippines.  I showed him where Paracelis was, and the path the road takes to Saliok.  I pointed at the mountain peak out a window, and showed him where it was on the map.  I guess this made more of an impression on him than I had intended.  Patty told me the next day that he was introducing me to people as "This is Patty's boyfriend, and he's smart!  He knows where he is, because he has a map, and he even knows how high the mountains are!"
   I guess he also told several people about why the days are longer in the summer and shorter in the winter, because I ended up explaining that again a couple of times. 
   We drifted into the kitchen, and I managed to sidestep out of the limelight by getting Patty to tell about her experience scuba diving.  They all thought it was pretty incredible that she went fifty feet under water for forty-five minutes.  Her mother looked pretty worried about this, and they found it hard to believe that anyone would do that just for fun.  Then I got her talking about learning to drive, and that kept them amused for awhile, too.  I had been talking with people virtually all afternoon, and it seemed I was answering the same questions over and over.  I was glad of the break.
   Later that night I gave Fermin some produce seeds I had brought.  I had two different types of corn, snap peas, squash and carrots.  Fermin and I discussed how to best plant and grow these, and he said he would experiment to try to get the optimum time.  I impressed on him that this was not rice and that well-drained soil would be essential, especially for the carrots.
   I slept more soundly that night, because my legs had stopped hurting so much.  It was still pretty hard to get up, though.

   The next morning after breakfast, Fermin excused himself to go harvest rice.  They carry a wicked looking bolo knife here, and the scabbard is a single wooden board at their side which the blade lies flush against.
   I waited impatiently as the girls got themselves together, and Patty and Rose wanted to make ponchos out of some garbage bags that I had brought.  Finally we headed out to the fields to see her father again.
   We crossed the fields and headed up the side of the mountain.  It wasn't long before we came to a flat area where the Maducayan elementary school was.  The original schoolhouse is abandoned, and they have four teachers in the new building.  We continued up along a torturous trail.  I was wearing my sneakers, and was having a hard time and wishing I had my combat boots.  I was carrying one of the mattresses I had brought for Patty's father. 
   Their fields weren't in the main valley, but up a side ravine about seven hundred feet abovethe valley.  I developed a lot of respect for these old people who routinely made this trip.  We passed some workers harvesting rice, and I was pressed to take their picture.
Tat-Arangan from the front porch
   The little cabin in the rice fields was once again on stilts, on the west side of the fields, just before the drop-off to the stream.  There was a pig and a bunch of chickens running around under the cabin, fenced in by a makeshift bamboo fence.  Patty said that one of the reasons her father likes it here better is that he's close to the water.  He had an operation for colonic cancer about six years ago, and he has a bag in his side in place of his last two feet of intestine which has to be washed out daily.
   Patty's father was splitting firewood when we got there.  Apparently he had seen the mattresses the previous day, but thought we had brought them for our own use and were taking them back with us.  When Patty explained that they were for him, he said, "Oh! I like that!  I will sleep well tonight!"
   I explored the area, poking around.  I checked out the rice granaries and the animal pen.  There was a citrus tree near the stream that had what looked like grapefruit, only about eight inches across.  Rose pointed out some papaya on a tree near the granary.  The tree was too flimsy to climb, but it swayed satisfactorily when shaken, and soon it was raining papaya, and I was ducking to keep from being brained.  I nearly got skewered retrieving the fallen fruit among the pineapple bushes, but it was worth it for the fresh papaya.  Mmmmm good!
   While we were checking out the granary, a young woman came to buy some rice from Patty's mother.  Eight of the shocks they make when harvesting and drying make a bundle, and the woman wanted ten bundles for a hundred pesos.  There was some arguing over price, and then there was an additional disagreement when the woman wanted to work in the field for a day in lieu of payment. 
Drying the Panay (unshucked rice)
   I was relaxing on a rock when there was a flurry of activity as Patty's mother cornered lunch underneath the cabin.  From the sound of it, it was questionable whether she or the chickens were getting the worst end of it.
Shortly after that, Patty came and got me and made me go into the cabin.  They had just finished bleeding the chicken, though it hadn't realized it was dead yet. 
   I was made to take off my left shoe, and place my foot alongside those of Patty and Rose.  Their mother began chanting, and rhythmically wiped the blood from the chicken on our feet.  It was later explained to me that if others harbor bad thoughts for you, that it will cause a curse to fall on you.  Her chanting was a blessing to protect us from such curses, and to keep us safe as we traveled.  When she was satisfied that we were safe, we left to wash our feet in the fields.
   Later I climbed up a huge rock overlooking the fields.  I was sitting there with my feet hanging over the side, when Patty told me that her mother was worried and told her to tell me that there were no hospitals out here, and I wouldn't get patched up if I got hurt.  Nice to have so many mothers.  Of course, like my real mother, I ignored them all.
   While Rose and their mother were busy with lunch, Patty and I went up the stream a ways to a nice little pool and a waterfall and took a bath.  The water was a little too cool to qualify as refreshing, although I have felt colder.  
   By the time lunch was served, one of Patty's aunts had shown up.  She had come to visit me in Maducayan, but we weren't there.  I was quiet through most of lunch, besides the now standard, "How do you like our place?  It is very poor."  They never lost an opportunity to emphasize how poor the barrio was and how hard life is.  Her aunt mentioned that she could speak English because she had gone to school.  She said that she had been learning Japanese for two months, but then the Americans came back and drove the Japanese away. 
   This lead the conversation to Patty's father's exploits during the war.  As we sat and drank coffee drowned in milk powder and sugar and the old women spat their betel juice, I tried to use this historical benchmark to pinpoint their ages.  I managed to figure out that Patty's oldest brother was born in 1939.  From this I figured out that Her mother is 66.  They said she was twelve when they were married, but they didn't sleep together for two years.  So if she was fifteen when Enrique was born, she was born in 1924. 
   Marriages were prearranged by the parents of the couple here until just a few decades ago.  Patty's father was funny when describing his marriage.  "My mother went away one day and came home with this girl.  I didn't know why.  Then she said, 'you're going to marry her.'  She was really too young to be properly married, but we were all boys, and my mother needed someone to pound the rice.  So for two years this girl would come to our house to work, and then go home to sleep with her parents."
   I would have loved to continue this line of discussion, but the language barrier was very difficult.  Patty isn't the best translator, feeling like it was necessary to editorialize before passing it on.  When one of her parents would gobble at her at length, with her interjecting and discussing, and then she tells me what they said in one brief sentence; well, I feel like I missed something.
Rice terraces near Tat-arangan
   One thing that was driven home during this discussion was that these people completely lack any sort of oral tradition.  Even the American Indians kept track of time through seasons and phases of the moon.  But these people didn't even know how many harvests had passed since their own children were born.  The women all wear fancy jewelry, but there is no meaning to the patterns.  They have no legends besides the occasional ghost story.  Perhaps the twentieth century has had a deleterious effect, but it seemed to me that the Igorots, and in fact most Filipino subcultures, are culturally impoverished.  This may explain the difficulty they experience when confronted with centuries of cumulative knowledge from the west. (2005:  After returning many times to Maducayan, and becoming steeped in their culture, I grew to understand that the culture that I failed to see in my first visit was in fact dying.  The young people are attracted to the glitter and bright lights of the 21st century, and don’t care to learn or hold onto the ways of their elders.  It’s interesting that the traditions are observed more rigorously in America than they are in the Philippines.  I have seen this phenomenon in the Irish as well.  It’s as if the immigrant is preserving his homeland’s ways, in spite of the fact that the homeland no longer observes those ways.  The young people do not understand the dialect of the Ulalim, and while they know their cousins, they cannot tell you the specific details of the family relationship)
   Word had gotten around that I was not going to be in the Philippines much longer.  They asked me where to next, and I said Okinawa for six months, and then possibly Alaska.  They asked me what Alaska was like, but I have given up on trying to describe subzero cold to people who have no basis for comparison.  I do believe I mentioned the huge mosquitoes they have there.  Seeing the incredulous look on the face of Patty's mother, I lost myself and began to embellish a bit.  It wasn't until later that evening over dinner, when she had more allies to support her, that she dared to question my tales of Alaskan mosquitoes carrying off dogs and small deer.
   It was getting late when we left the fields, and it was nearly dark when we reached Maducayan again.  The workers were home from the fields.  As the women prepared the dinner, Fermin and I talked.
   "What do you think of the way we work in the fields?"  Life is very hard here, we are so poor, etc., etc.  They didn't understand that I wasn't here to judge, but to experience. I took a chance.  Fermin seemed to be receptive to suggestions, and was willing to fill to gaps in my knowledge as to why some things don't work here.  "I notice that some fields don't seem to be producing very much."
   "Yes.  The fields used to produce a lot of rice, but the soil is becoming very poor."  Excellent.  The hardest time people have when solving a problem is admitting they have a problem.
  "The same thing happens in Europe and America, but the farmers get around it by planting different things in their fields every year.  This year, wheat.  Next year corn, then beans, and maybe back to wheat.  The different crops renew the soil."
   This didn't seem to make an impression on him.  If rice wasn't on the table every meal, these people feel hungry.
   "You mentioned fertilizer yesterday."
   "Yes, but we can't carry the fertilizer in here.  It's too much work."
   "Fermin, you have some of the best fertilizer in the world, right out here in your back yard.  Collect up that chickenshit and spread it on your fields.  Hell, in Japan they even use human shit, and they grow the best rice in the world there."
   "We don't like to do that because it pollutes the fields.  We like to eat the shellfish that grow in the water."
   "Decomposed shit is not pollution.  Look, the reason your soil is poor is because every crop of rice leeches some of the nitrates out of the soil.  That's what fertilizer is for, to replace the nitrates.  Well, there is no better concentration of nitrates than chickenshit."
   My mind was working on the problem now, and solutions began to bud faster than I could talk.  "Another thing, by leaving your fields flooded twelve months out of the year you're drowning the soil.  Rice doesn't naturally grow in lakes; it grows on the shore, in soil that's periodically flooded every year." (I was making this up as I go along, but it sounds reasonable.  One of the signs of a good field engineer is that he can pitch bullshit with supreme confidence on a moments notice).  "Try draining the fields after the harvest, and letting the soil dry out before planting again.  You'll lose a month or so of growing time, but the rice doesn't grow very fast during the dry season anyway.  This will let the sunlight and air get directly to the soil and help replenish the nitrates.  This is also when you should lay down the chicken shit.  Then plow it dry and reflood."  (As it happens, the research I did on the subject later indicated that I was exactly right.)
   Fermin thought this over.  "I will try what you say.  I will experiment, and see how it works."  Fair enough.  We can't risk the whole rice crop, when that's all you ever eat.  But I was satisfied.  Even if none of my ideas work, he's started experimenting, and he's sure to find something that does work if he keeps it up.
   "Okay, I've got another idea.  What's the hardest thing about getting rice from the field to the dinner table?"
   "Pounding the rice is easily the hardest thing."  I knew that.  Why else would it be job for women?
   "Okay.  Why not get a machine to do it for you?"
   "We cannot move the machines here.  There is no road."  He was being polite, but his thoughts fairly shouted over his words  Because we're not all rich bloody Americans!
   But I was showing my hand slowly, to keep him interested.  "You don't need to.  Look," I said, waving may hand at the mountains, "What do you have up here?"  He wasn't sure of what I was after, so I went on, "Water!  Millions of gallons of it, conveniently placed at the top of all of these hills!"  I raised my finger in point, "And water is energy.  All you have to do is harness it.  Look here."  I procured a piece of paper and traced out a simple water wheel for him.
   You just let the water turn this, then connect the axle to a grindstone or a pounder, and there you go."  He was intrigued by the idea, then soon became enthusiastic.
   "We can build this of wood!"  He spoke rapid fire to the people in the room, gesturing at my drawings.  I saw him point at the mountains and then at the wheel.
   One of the ladies, a schoolteacher, asked me, "But won't the rice get wet?"
   Fermin answered before I could speak, "No! The grinder and pounder doesn't have to be anywhere near the water wheel, it will be connected in the center, but will be apart!"  He was enthusiastic, and kept repeating, "I can do this!  I can do this!"  Later we discussed some details of the linkage and the construction, but I deliberately was vague, impressing on him the need to modify and experiment and perfect his own design.  I stressed the economic factors, saying that if he had the only rice mill, people would pay him to grind their rice, and he would never have to work in the field again.  May God forgive me for ruining these peoples way of life, but I'm a capitalist at heart.
   We were leaving the next day.  I had made the excuse that I had been invited by many friends to celebrate New Years in Angeles City, and I had to get back to work soon anyway.  The truth was that I didn't want to tarnish my welcome, and besides, Patty was anxious to get home and "feel like a human again."  She's not too proud of her background, and constantly exhorted me, "Don't tell anyone what it's like up there."  I said nonsense, people care about what you are, not where you came from.

   Preparing for the trip the next day, I found that I had a tremendous amount of room available in my pack, and was able to put Patty's baggage in with room to spare.  Everyone eyed this critically, but it was still less than I had carried on the trip up.  Patty's mother was worried that I would not come back to visit, and kept repeating to her to "Tell him to come back.  Tell him to visit." 
   I reassured her that I would make my best effort to come back for another visit (Not if they don't get that road reopened to Saliok, Lady!).  Fermin said, "You must come to visit us, because it is to far for us to go to America.  I tried to explain to him how expensive it was to come to the Philippines, but Patty had given them an idea of how much money I made, and my words fell on deaf ears.
   Fermin and another man told me, "You will do well wherever you go, because you know how to dance to the music."
Looking East from Samoke
   I led the way more confidently as we made our way across the rice fields, because I knew my way this time.  Rose and Vivian were with us once again.  I wasn't too sure about this Vivian.  She had insisted on coming and seeing Patty's American boyfriend in Paracelis, yet she seemed to refuse to even acknowledge my existence.  All the people are extremely shy, but this girl was a bit different in showing that. 
   We made good time on the trail, and reached Saliok about two hours after we started.  Soon after we had rejoined the road, Patty was complaining about her feet, and I was forced to stop and administer first aid.  I patched her up as best I could, but I could see problems ahead, because she was wearing rubber boots and flimsy socks.  I set a grueling pace, and was soon far ahead.  I declined to feel sorry, for I was still carrying the heaviest load.  We lunched at noon, an insubstantial meal of rice and bananas.
   It was shortly after lunch that my boots really began to bother me.  The leather had grown quite stiff above the heel, and was pressing painfully on my Achilles tendon every time I took a step.  I endured this as far as I could, but when we stopped at the last stream at about two, I exchanged my boots for sneakers.  The way was quite level and mud free from this point, and I made even better time in my sneakers.  I pulled into Julian's house about three o'clock, and the others straggled in over the following half hour.
   As I showered in the waning twilight, it began to rain.  I didn't complain, because the weather had cooperated superbly so far during my whole trip.  It rained quite heavily that night.
   Julian's wife had gone to Santiago for a visit, and Julian was minding the kids alone.  He and I discussed the education system of our two countries, and played a bit of chess.  We were evenly matched, and each won one game. 
   That night was uncomfortable, as I had left the mattresses in Maducayan.  I would not have slept except for my fatigue.

   The following morning was drizzly and misty.  We went to the hospital to wait for the jeep, which came by minutes later.  It was starting to rain, so they put me in the front seat.  There was very little to see, as the cloud ceiling had descended, so I spent the trip with my nose in a book.  There were a few exciting moments as the jeep skidded and spun its way up some muddy inclines.  This jeep was no larger than a van, and probably had a very high ground pressure, due to the narrow tires.  Then about two miles from Santiago, they ran out of gas and we sat for a half an hour while someone got a trike and went for more.
   We caught a trike when the jeep finally let us off.  Our first stop was a store that had liquor, because if I went back to Angeles without some of this sugar whiskey, I would never be forgiven.  Then we went to the bus station. 
   The bus was not crowded for a change and we had a very comfortable voyage to San Jose.  Patty kept insisting that we had passed San Jose after a couple of hours, and I kept reassuring her that it was still ahead of us, that we were still in the mountains.
   The bus was destined for San Quentin, so we parted ways at about seven in the evening at San Jose, and got directly onto a jeepney headed for Carmen.  During the war, the Americans had brought the venerable jeep to the Philippines, and the people were so taken with its performance that they copied the design.  Well, they copied the exterior, anyway.  So now the country is filled with lookalikes of the WWII jeep, stretched to hold as many as twenty people in the back.  The frames are made of wood, and they all have underpowered Toyota engines and two wheel drive and are covered in chrome.
   We packed into the back with a shoehorn.  Due to the closeness, Patty said she felt like throwing up, and I know from experience that when she says that, it's probably going to happen.  I took stock and decided that This was not the place for me, so I bailed out and climbed on top of the jeep with the luggage.  There I sat in perfect comfort for the two hour trip through the moonlit countryside of the lowlands, while everyone else was smashed into the jeep below me.
   In Carmen we were fortunate to catch a luxury bus directly to Angeles, and we were the only ones on the bus.  I had left one of Patty's cousins staying at my house to mind things, and when we got home at eleven o'clock there were already two other cousins there visiting.  They had a lot of news to exchange, and there was no English being spoken, so I wearily showered and put myself to bed and let Patty lock up.